This...Now

As a sea of darkness enveloped me
I glance back at the things I have lost
Was it even mine in the first place?
Have I truly grasp its presence?
That I can consider it lost.

I have held you in my thoughts
For a brief moment
You have unconsciously existed in my dream.
I tried to decipher the meaning when I awoke.
A smile is all that I can manage as I wonder.

Then just as suddenly, I remember,
Apart from the illusion, a real world exist.
I'm not an organized freak
But hey, I seemed to have lived my life backwards.
And this...now...requires me to rearrange it.

This and now must be done
Or I will never have another chance again.
I would wonder into this world like a lost soul
I would crouch like an old lady with nothing but apathy.
And perhaps a couple of plastic bags in pink, blue and yellow.

I could never let that happen,
I must face some sacrifices now rather than later.
I must build myself on solid ground.
As the splendid sun sets,
So as the gift of life fades into a memory.


In my younger years, (not that I am old) all I'd care about is the
Elation and the theme that goes with it.
But I am no longer as young as I seem to be.
No room for mistakes, I cannot crash.
There is no more time.

You say, I'm stiff, hard as a rock.
I cry, you know but I can't let anyone see it.
I kneel down, cover my face with my pillow
And yell at the top of my lungs,
Careful not to let anyone hear me.

I rock myself like a baby,

In my anguish and despair.
I call upon the name of the One who created me
He answers me...that I am certain.
Once again I am one with the world, like yourself.