Dear God 04.01.2010

Dear God,

I have searched You for the wrong reasons. Literally, when you said, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all this things shall be added unto you." I thought, I was gonna be a rich girl for it is the desire of my heart to live abundantly and to be able to provide for my kids. You, unselfishly revealed Yourself to me and I found myself falling in love with You. I was breathing Jesus every minute of my life.

I lost You somewhere. I tried to search for You but I couldn't find You. I tried to love You again but my efforts were futile. I have fallen from sin to sin. Until one sin brought me back to Your presence. I called upon Your Holy Name not knowing what to say but You understood that I needed rescuing. I needed You to rescue me from myself. Faithfully, with open arms, You have embraced me, wipe away the tears from my eyes and healed me. You forgave me and surrounded me with Your lovingkindness.

I come before You now asking the Holy Spirit to lead me back to Your heart. With all the right reasons lead by Your Spirit. I seek for You day and night, my soul will not rest, I long for You to satisfy my hungry heart. O God, I long to be loved. I long to understand the folly of my heart. I place before Your feet the longing of my heart. I tried to bury that longing and it buried me instead. I surrender.

I was made for You. You are the Only One who can fill my Love Bank, the rest is optional. I cannot function correctly without You. You are the meaning of life. You are the meaning of love. You are the song in my heart. You are my peace of mind.

How blessed I am, O God that You have revealed this truth to me. You kissed my soul and I finally found the answers to all my questions. My heart, where all the issues of life lay hidden is what You are asking for. Even words are hard to find to express how delighted, awed, grateful I am that You my God has blessed me with this knowledge. Love is indeed sweeter the second time around. I bless Your name, O my God!

It is unimaginable how I deserted You in the past. I am an ungrateful wretched soul, unfaithful and wayward child. Yet, You never left me. You have wooed my heart even as I was chasing other gods than You. You have deliberately followed me even in the darkness and carried me when I fell down. In Your hands, You healed my wounded heart when I was in the land of do-it-myself.

My God, I praise You with all my soul. You have sanctified me. My heart is Yours from now on. I love You, Jesus.